By Gold Nne
Nimi had been in a relationship with Daniel for six months and she could feel him slipping off her clutch, she had cried in silence for too long, she needed solution to salvage her already dilapidating relationship. She really loved Daniel he was tall, dark and handsome; his smile was endearing, he cared for and treated her nothing short of a princess, he was really different from other men she had been with, so she couldn’t phantom in her wildest imagination how her once fairytale relationship had turned into fights and constant quarrels. Nimi picked up herself from her sorry state and decided to uplift her present mood by going on a shopping spree with Daniel’s MasterCard.
She went to one of the top most boutiques in Ikoyi, because she thought to herself “If you want to shop clothes, shop designers or nothing at all”. She had gotten 2018 summer collections of Gucci, Balenciaga shoes and some top brands, she paid using Daniel’s card, she was about leaving when she heard her name from the other end of the room, she thought “It was probably someone bearing her name” she smiled at the thought of having a name sake”.
Immediately someone grabbed her from behind, in a manner that left her almost breathless and gasping for air. She swore in her breath and was about to scream her head out when she turned and discovered that the troublesome stranger was her childhood bestie, Luciana whom she had lost contact with after her last abusive relationship with Chima.
She couldn’t believe her eyes, she utterly shocked in the most pleasant manner ever, and they decided to catch up immediately, she was so excited, she offered to drive with Luciana and leave her car behind because she didn’t want to lose her friend again, they talked about life so far, money, business, boys and landed on the very touchy subject of relationships; she hadn’t released that she had bottled up so much, she just kept weeping and sobbing, Luciana was surprised to see her best friend in such an uneasy state. When they sat down to talk proper, she started pouring her heart out to her friend, Luciana listened attentively occasionally nodding, patting Nimi on the shoulder, immediately Nimi was done, Luciana held her hands and asked “Nimi you know I’ve loved you as a sister for more than six years, you have dated over fourteen men since I met you and it has been one serious problem or the other would you hear me out if I advise you”? Nimi nodded in the affirmative.
Luciana replied “Sweetheart you’ve been doing it all wrong” I have seen the way you speak to the men you date, it is very rude. Men love any woman who RESPECTS them; it is the way they are built. Even if your man is wrong, you don’t scold him in public or amongst friends, his ego will definitely be bruised and he’ll withdraw because he’d feel that he doesn’t worth anything to you.
RESPECT is of utmost importance, in every relationship. As soon as you start making him feel like the man of the relationship, he adores you even more. Nimi reminisced on times she had scolded Daniel in public, she shivered at the thought of pushing him away.
Luciana continued; she went further to state that from the conversation, they’ve had, she discovered that Nimi was practically living off Daniel in the most parasitic form ever and she wasn’t contributing anything worthwhile to the relationship. Luciana went ahead to explain that in this day and age no man wants to be saddled with the burden of a jobless and non-enterprising girlfriend; it was draining to provide for everything from her designer outfits, to cosmetics and inconsequential things like toiletries. She further encouraged Nimi to get a job or start the bakery she had being wanting to start for quite some time, because every man loves a woman who is INDEPENDENT.
Nimi in her defense tried to explain that she was bringing something to the relationship, she said had sex with Daniel once a month according to the timetable she created. Luciana was surprised at her utterance and stopped her right in the middle; she said that every Lagos boy right now wants to have sex with their girlfriends, especially the ones they want to settle down with, irrespective of their religious stand, the temptations from other willing girls are definitely getting on the rise, so it was a discussion they should have had earlier in the relationship to understand their sexual needs. “SEX IS IMPORTANT in relationships these days, so don’t dull and lose your boyfriends the olosho’s out there” she said.
Luciana told her to start ACTING LIKE A WIFE, check up on him regularly, don’t just be his girlfriend; be his mother, buddy, partner in crime. Make him comfortable around and free around you, let him always be himself and love him regardless, he’ll appreciate it even more when you see both the good, ugly and bad side of him and you still smile lovingly at him and still care for him. Ensure you feed him real good, COOK FOR HIM, “I’m not saying become his house help or slave” because a lot of ladies today claim to be feminists and forget that truly the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, regardless of his philandering a good man will never openly disrespect you, he’ll cherish you because he knows that you are his wife to be.
“Men are like babies” but with huge egos, if you nag continuously it makes him weary and tired and you’ll end up chasing him away, nobody is perfect, learn to correct in love. He’s facing a lot of pressure outside, everywhere; at the end of the day, he just wants to come back home to an open arm of love ready to cuddle him, listen to him and make him forget all the stress outside.
DO NOT NAG; consciously form the habit of correcting in love!
Luciana went on to say that “men might not answer when you say thank you, but it gladdens their heart and make them want to go the extra mile for you” show APPRECIATION for the littlest things, she pointed out to Nimi that it wasn’t compulsory for Daniel to leave behind his MasterCard for her to shop with anytime, it’s because he loves her and is willing to do much more for her. Nimi thought about it for a few seconds and agreed with Luciana, that the few times she showed genuine appreciation to Daniel he went all out to make her happy. She recounted how she thanked the first few times he bought her designers and the moment she complained how Uber was getting expensive, he went out one evening and came back with a car for her. She agreed with all Luciana told her so far and was more than willing to start trying these things out; of course taking baby steps to ensure that her relationship with the man of her dreams was back to being a fairytale.
Luciana was so happy, she had finally told Nimi what was bothering her for years, meeting her bestie must have been fate. Nimi couldn’t contain her excitement; this meeting was serendipity to her.