by Favour Uzoma
This topic is very key because most people seem not to know when enough is enough; so they keep hoping and praying to change a whole person! Let’s not even talk about the more extreme cases like domestic violence or dealing with a serial cheater, no; I am talking about the basic mannerisms of an average person that does not resonate with you.
You find yourself fighting for a relationship when you are standing in the ring alone! always the one calling and checking up on that “Special person” , always going over there, you’re the thoughtful one always thinking of fun ways to spice up your relationship and when there’s an issue you’re the first one to reach out, go out of your way to make amends even when it’s not your fault .
So you swallow your pride, call to apologize for the hundredth time, if its his/her fault then they act all coy like they didn’t know they were in the wrong, lol … ever been in a position where your partner hurts you so deeply and turns it around on you like it’s your fault ?! Next thing you’re apologizing for something that wasn’t in any way your fault and he/she is in the clear?! And if it’s your fault (which it almost never is) well then, they never let you forget that mistake. Wake up!
Your looks are never quite lovely enough to warrant a compliment, even though you give all your best compliments to this person, you can never get one good comment to make you blush or boost your confidence , worst is you get beautiful comments from everybody else except that “special person” , when you finally get a comment it’s either offensive or body shaming or just downright vulgar for instance; “you know you will look better if you exercised more , why do you snore so loudly or complains about the way you dress , talk or laugh , you never seem to do anything to his/her satisfaction. I say Wake Up!
Some people cannot even define what they have with this person , are we friends , intimate friends, in a dating relationship, are we getting married or just friends with benefits (because apparently, having sex with someone doesn’t necessarily mean you two are special) ,so there’s no definition as to what you two are doing. Makes you wonder why you don’t get introduced to people that matter most to him/her , like a best friend, mentor , especially family , you just won’t be introduced , you won’t be involved in fun hangouts with colleagues or best friends, it’s like you’re this dirty little secret that needs to be kept hidden, you only feel the closeness when you are both beneath the sheets or when they need something from you but afterwards it’s like you don’t even exist and when finally theres an opportunity to introduce you he/she can’t decide if you’re his girlfriend/boyfriend or just friends. I say Wake up!
First let me say this, Never go into an intimate relationship without getting a clear cut definition of what you two are doing , don’t do it! I hear statements like “let’s just go with the flow, or let’s see what happens” and in the end one party is deeply hurt while the other thought they were both just having fun, so the terms needs to be clear and if it’s not; walk away, save yourself the trouble by not investing your feelings because chances are, you’ll regret it and if eventually you two decide to end things that needs to be clearly stated as well.
Secondly, I would like to say that It is perfectly ok to fight for your relationship with everything you have, give your all to that person without holding back, there’s nothing wrong with that and it doesn’t make you stupid or a ‘love puppy’ I think it rather makes you a brave person smart enough to fight for what they believe in! That being said, it has to be a joint effort, your partner need to meet you half way at least else it would all be a wasted effort because you two will never go far as a couple. I suggest you ask him/her directly as to what it is you’re both doing,
Know when it’s time to walk away, don’t ignore the glaring signs that tell you that person doesn’t want you as much as you want them or in some cases, doesn’t deserve your love and devotion.
- Stop trying to change someone who is not willing to change and I dare say that if he/she doesn’t change while you two are dating it’s likely not going to change when you two are married.
- Stop giving chances to someone who abuses your forgiveness at every turn, stop making excuses for their continuous lack of reciprocity.
- Stop walking back to the place where your heart ran from, stop trusting their words and ignoring their actions.
- Stop giving your all to a person who gives you nothing, stop giving to someone who continually take advantage of your love , devotion and
- Stop fighting for a relationship when you are standing in the ring alone!
- Stop breaking your own heart!