Pressured About Finding a Soulmate? Rather than finding one, here is what you should do instead

Asian couple have an argument

When people are searching for their soulmate, they can end up on a never-ending quest. If you believe in soulmates, it’s easy to think that you need someone else to complete you. But a relationship should always be an enhancement, rather than a necessity, says Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist based in California.

Rather than getting encumbranced  in the many ups and downs of this quest, I’d suggest that you rather do these:

Make a list

Try writing down the traits that are most important to you. “It can cause you to take a step back and say ‘is this really me?’ Or ‘is this someone else?’. Focus more on personality traits and ideologies which generally matter more than factors such as where someone works or what their interests are. Qualities like kindness, compassion, consistency, loyalty and openness as examples of the kinds of traits to jot down.


Observe the relationships around you

Seek out a variety of real-life couples you know well,friends or family and ask yourself what qualities you admire in those relationships. Try to pick up on the negatives, too. If you don’t like the way one partner is always putting another down, make a mental note of that.

And if you’re close enough with someone, ask the person what makes his or her relationship work (or, if someone is divorced, what ultimately caused it to end). We always want to ask people in happy relationships, but the real gold is in the people whose relationships ended at high stakes!

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