The first time I heard Beyonce‘s Pretty Hurtsit spoke to me. It became one of my favourite songs instantly. The lyrics were so deep, they basically spelt out society perceptions and the problems within what society sees as acceptable.
“Perfection is a disease of a nation
Pretty hurts, we shine the light on whatever’s worse, trying to fix something but you can’t fix what you can’t see; it’s the soul that needs a surgery”
“Plastic smiles and denials can only take you so far”
“When you’re alone all by yourself, when you’re lying in your bed, reflections stare right into you, are you happy with yourself, stripped away the masquerade… Are you happy with yourself”
The media world has taken over; and although there are positive parts to this epidemic. It is causing so many people to become insecure, because they aren’t society’s idea of beautiful/handsome – from abs, beard gang and broad shoulders to small waist, big boobs and big booty.
Matthew 5:48 says;
“Be ye therefore perfect; even as your father which is in heaven is perfect”
This scripture has absolutely nothing to do with the societal view of what perfection is and everything to do with your inner being – your character, your soul. That is the perfection of Christ. The perfection he showed us and taught us to be like: in his likeness and image.
I’ve watched one of my sisters go through soul surgery; fought hard to get to a point where she fully loves herself, completely not caring about people’s opinions of what they think she should look like anymore and it makes me so happy because I was initially trying to force her to see it, but then I realized I’ll just keep showering her with love and positivity and eventually she’ll start to see it.
Another sister of mine is still going through soul surgery, fighting to fully love herself. She says things like: I don’t have a big bum, I don’t have big boobs, my legs are too skinny. I ALWAYS tell her “You have to love everything about you. There are people out there dying to have this model physique that God just dashed you like this“. With hers I feel like it’ll come with age; she needs to mature a bit more to fully understand what it is to love all these perfections (to me) that she considers flaws – because she doesn’t look like what social media deems to be perfect or acceptable.
I watched Breeny Lee‘s video recently and it reminded me that I’ve been wanting to write about self-love for the betterment of ourselves and not for society. I also came across a Twitter feed by @_peech. She went in deep about having suicidal thoughts over not being a weight that’s acceptable to society. The first thing that came to my mind was WHY?! How are you going to allow society’s opinion determine your entire existence?
I strongly believe that you can’t fully love yourself until you can accept yourself fully: every single flaw – from your flabby belly to your small bum, to your “droopy” boobs. Make affirming statements like: “because I love myself I’m going to choose healthy options” “I’m going to take a walk” “I’m going to drink more water” “I’m going to take the stairs” “I’m going to share love and kindness, not hatred” etc
You know the saying, “dress how you want to be addressed” or “what you wear doesn’t matter, it’s the confidence you wear it with that matters”. In this case, use your soul. Give yourself a soul surgery, and that way your confidence and self-love will start to radiate on the outside. People will notice it; they’ll start to respect and relate to you better. You’ll be surprised. It all starts from within. They will first hate you for loving yourself so much, but ignore it and eventually they’ll want to share in your self contentment.
Accepting yourself just as you are is the first step to loving yourself. Accept the things you cannot change; for example if you were born with small boobs or you’re slim and you’ve tried to put on weight but nothing. You’ve tried to take pills to increase your boobs, still nothing. Yet, you’re beating yourself up. Accept that God doesn’t make mistakes; accept the things you consider flaws and you will love yourself. It’s a process. You will start to feel confident and confidence is attractiveness.
I’ve found that the biggest mistake people make is that they wait for someone to accept them before they start to love themselves; or before they start to feel confidence. This is why you hear things like “I have boyfriend; I must be hot” as if to say the only criteria for being in a relationship has to be solely based on physical appearance.
These are some of the reasons why you also see people become a total wreck when their only line of confidence and love, drops them/breaks up with them; it’s because their believed source of joy and life has been cut off!
You can’t let another human being be your lifeline when God is the one that created you.
Redefine your idea of beauty to be what you feel is beautiful, and not what society thinks is beautiful. I genuinely believe that this is the only way to find true happiness. Happiness should be everyone’s goal in life.
Happiness, when you’re alone, all by yourself is key; not finding happiness in another human, because that can only last so long. Find happiness as Tajé Prest (insert your name) alone by yourself; it is only then that you can add another person to share the happiness with.
It also makes you more clearheaded in any relationship. Unless that person adds to your happiness and brings you peace, you will not accept them in your life.