by Favour Uzoma

How do you manage being hurt in a relationship? What happens when the person who is supposed to be your source of happiness becomes your source of heart aches? How do you handle being under-appreciated in your relationship?

MY TAKE
Talk about it! That is the first step towards having a successful relationship. It is amazing how that most couples talk so much about everything when they are happy, they gist, laugh and make fun but they can’t seem to communicate verbally when they are feeling hurt. Some people try to communicate but the more they try talking about it the more the issue keeps escalating because instead of talking, they keep shouting at each other.

While some people are even worse of, because they keep sweeping issues under carpet and try to move on like nothing has happened, this that might be a temporary fix it won’t last long so it is better to talk about these issues so as to avoid having the issue repeat itself again.

Keep Communication Lines Open

No matter what happens in your relationship ensure you keep the communication lines open, don’t cower into your shell by giving attitude or body languages because chances are that he’ll/she will mis-read those signals and escalate the issue further, so talk instead. Use your words always.

Texting is a Useful Tool

If talking about it just leads to arguments all the way then, write each other via text or whatsapp, these social media apps are not just for keeping in touch with mere friends or sending news around , it can be a very valuable tool for communication so take advantage of all the various platforms available and talk about it….

Not Worth Being Angry

We all feel hurt in different ways so the idea of thinking to yourself that the issue isn’t worth being angry about so you won’t mention it ; even though its killing you, that’s not right because you will be doing yourself more harm than good and it’ll affect your relationship on the long run.

Encourage Expression

It is highly imperative to encourage expression in a relationship.If you constantly shut down your partner every time they try to express themselves maybe because you don’t like what they are saying or the way they said it, you will discourage them from being open. It is always better to encourage your partner to be open and express themselves because lack of expression will kill your relationship faster!

Apologize First Before getting Defensive

It is amazing how people get so engrossed in defending themselves that they forget to say the actual words ‘Sorry’. I would say, before you attempt explaining your actions at all, first apologize and pacify then when the mood is at ease you can try to explain your actions so to avoid creating more issues.

Kindly note that, Saying the actual words ’Sorry’ is super important because it tells your partner that you accept you did the wrong thing and you appreciate the feelings of the other person so before all else , Say you are sorry.

KEY POINTS

  1. Always listen and make your partner feel listened to
    Try not to get angry at the same time with the other person.
  2. Ensure to pacify your partner and make them feel appreciated.
  3. Always apologize for wrong doings.
  4. Ensure to reassure your partner of how much they mean to you.
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